Ego: The Quiet Enemy of Leadership

A few days ago, I found myself getting pretty frustrated with someone in my life.

This person was asking me to do something I really didn’t want to do, and I had already made a solid case for why I was right and they were wrong.

Looking back on it now, I can see that my reaction had very little to do with the actual request. Instead, it had much more to do with my own pride and stubbornness.

Put another way, it was my ego.

The Ego is the Enemy

Eventually, I did what was being asked of me, but I’ll admit…I did it begrudgingly. My attitude wasn’t great, and internally, I was still resisting the whole thing.

Later on, after I had some time to reflect and pray about it, I realized something uncomfortable.

They were right.

That realization immediately made me think about Ryan Holiday’s book The Ego Is the Enemy. One of the biggest lessons from that book is that our ego often becomes an obstacle to growth, learning, relationships, and leadership. The challenging part is that ego usually doesn’t present itself in obvious ways. Most of the time, it sounds reasonable in our own heads.

It shows up when we become defensive instead of curious. It shows up when we stop listening because we’ve already decided we know the answer. Sometimes it appears as stubbornness. Other times, it appears as the need to win an argument or prove a point.

And if we’re honest, ego can be incredibly persuasive.

Ego & Continuous Improvement

In leadership, and really life in general, this is especially dangerous because our internal thoughts eventually affect how we treat others. When our ego takes over, we dig in, listen less, interrupt more, and spend more time defending our position than trying to understand a different perspective.

I’ve seen this happen countless times over the years. An individual receives feedback but immediately explains why the feedback is wrong. A manager shuts down an idea because it wasn’t their idea. A continuous improvement team struggles because no one wants to admit that their initial countermeasure didn’t work.

The reality is that ego and continuous improvement don’t work very well together.

Continuous improvement requires humility. It requires admitting when we’re wrong and that someone else’s idea may be better. It requires listening, reflection, and the ability to separate our identity from our opinions.

That’s one of the things I’ve always appreciated about lean thinking. Principles like “go see,” “ask why,” and “respect for people” all require a certain amount of humility. You can’t learn from others if you’ve already convinced yourself that you have all the answers.

Is my Ego Getting Involved?

The older I get, the more I realize that leadership has less to do with always being right and more to do with self-awareness. Sometimes the best thing we can do is pause long enough to ask ourselves a simple question:

“Is this really about the issue, or is my ego getting involved?”

That’s not always an easy question to answer honestly.

I know it wasn’t easy for me a few days ago.

But experiences like that are probably good reminders for all of us because ego has a way of quietly creating unnecessary conflict while convincing us we’re completely justified.

And if we’re not careful, it can become one of the biggest obstacles to our growth as leaders and as people.

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